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Monday, November 5, 2007

Throttleville: Fatty on a motorbike!

Picture the scene: Frederick Algernon Trotteville, or Fatty of the Five Find-Outers, roars through the sleepy village of Peterswood on his finely-tuned motorbike and rumbles to a halt outside Mr Goon's house. He restrains Buster, who of course starts barking loudly from his basket over the rear wheel. "Mr Goon!" Fatty yells over the noise of the engine. "There's a mystery looming!"

Mr Goon bursts out of the front door, red-faced and indignant. "What IS all this confounded racket?" he thunders. "What do you think you're doing, causing all this disturbance?"

Fatty looks pained. "Disturbance, Mr Goon? Are you referring to my new motorcycle? Larry and Pip are each buying one too. It's time we got mobile; it's difficult solving mysteries when we have to rely on the buses. Now we'll be able to roar about all over Peterswood with the girls and Buster as passengers. It's going to be great!"

Are you picturing this scene yet? No? Well, that's because it's just not Enid Blyton. Herein lies the biggest difference between the likes of the Find-Outers and the Famous Five compared with America's most famous young detectives, the Hardy Boys. I'm currently reading The House on the Cliff, which I want to mention in more detail another time. Right now, it's the basic, fundamental differences between this and Blyton's series that interest me.

The Hardy Boys are not only more independently mobile than Blyton's characters, they're also older — aged in their mid- to late-teens rather than early teens (which in the eyes of youths is an enormous difference). Yes, America's motorcycle-riding sleuths Frank and Joe are quite a bit more mature than our familiar gang of five children and a dog.

Let's consider the differences. The Hardy Boys — Frank (18) and Joe (17) — ride motorcycles about their coastal town of Bayport, solving any juicy mysteries that happen to crop up. Their father is an ex-cop and now a famous private detective, so they have a fair share of credibility when they're interviewing people (unlike the Find-Outers, who are cursed with being a bunch of annoying kids to the average person).

Nancy Drew (18) drives a car and has an attorney for a dad. She flits from place to place, hops on a plane to her aunt's, drives down to New Orleans... She's old enough to take care of herself. And it seems that Nancy Drew has an unfair advantage over all over young sleuths: she's attractive, an oft-mentioned observation that surely helps her in interviews with big ugly men (whereas again the Find-Outers are a bunch of annoying kids).

The Three Investigators each have fairly ordinary families but are chauffeured about Hollywood in a gold Rolls Royce (thanks to a competition they won). They're probably in their mid-teens, and — unlike the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew, but closer to the Find-Outers and Secret Seven — have a secret hideout. But this is no ordinary shed at the bottom of a garden; instead they use a banged-up mobile home trailer heavily disguised by piles of junk in a hidden corner of a scrapyard.

Then you have the Benton & Carson International Detective Agency. Despite the fancy name, Brains and Jimmy are probably the closest of age to Fatty and his gang, and are the most comparable in terms of setting and plot. The town of Crestwood is fairly ordinary and the two boys get around using their bicycles. The mysteries they solve are not a far cry from the sort that the Find-Outers might get involved in, although perhaps the plotting is a little more sophisticated, and the criminals more dangerous.

A brief mention, also, to the Power Boys — Jack and Chip Power (17 and 15 respectively), whose father is a much-traveled photojournalist. These two boys tend to "end up" in an adventure or mystery of some kind, more like the Famous Five; they don't have a secret organization and have no desire to seek out mysteries and make a name for themselves as detectives. Despite their age and vastly-different American setting, their adventures could easily be compared to the likes of the Famous Five — relatively simple, localized cases that prompt a bit of investigation.

I often try to imagine Fatty, Larry, Pip, Daisy, Bets, and Buster the dog in a different setting. If you drop them into the coastal town of Bayport, they become utterly insignifcant among the many strapping American lads on motorcycles, with typically American names like Frank, Joe, Chet and Biff. Drop the Find-Outers into the world of Nancy Drew and the three boys would probably become fumbling adolescents in the presence of the titian-haired beauty. She'd no doubt smile sweetly at them before tearing off in her convertible to track down a suspect.

I fear the Find-Outers would get hopelessly lost in Hollywood too. No tea shops, no village bobbies... just high-falutin' movie-types in flashy cars. And what would the gang think when Jupiter, Bob and Pete go off to meet with Alfred Hitchcock? Talk about name-dropping!

Now dump them into Crestwood, to join forces with Brains and Jimmy. Ah, that's better. Here's where the gang are on equal footing. It's true that the Five Find-Outers don't have a cool business card or high-tech headquarters, but they do ride their bikes equally well and are pretty adept at putting their heads together to solve mysteries. Move aside, Jimmy Carson; I think Barclay "Brains" Benton would like to meet Frederick Algernon Trotteville. Together they can solve any mystery. What with Brains' ingenious gadgets and Fatty's clever disguises, the criminals of Crestwood had better watch out! I see Fatty now, cycling madly down the road wearing a red wig and false teeth, and Buster barking from his basket at Chief Hadley (who is basically an American version of Mr Goon).

Yes, the Five Find-Outers in Crestwood would work. Or, the International Detective Agency in Peterswood. Brains and Jimmy would truly live up to the "international" part of their name in solving crimes in a sleepy English village, and wouldn't put up with much from Old Clear-Orf either. I should think Superintendent Jenks would be very impressed with Brains in particular. "A fine boy," he would say to Fatty later. "Very smart. He'd make an excellent policeman — like yourself, Frederick."

And we'll leave Fatty there, glowing with pride. Oh, and don't buy a motorbike, Fatty — it just wouldn't suit you!

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